Square one again

The lyrica did not work, followed by the Nortypyline which did not work.  An MRI was ordered in August and I went for my MRI at the end of November.  It did not indicate anything neurologically wrong with me.  My neurologist says he can not be of any further help.  He found it amusing when I asked him about chiari malformation and then stated that chiari can not be found on an MRI.  I am so confused, I have people from message boards telling me one thing, people who actually have a chiari diagnosis!  The doctor, has he even seen the MRI images?  I called the hospital I had the test done at and ordered my own copy for sixty dollars.  Just in case a doctor down the road might like to see them and perhaps find something that could be causing my pain.  The neuro just rattled on in a language I couldn't decipher.  I had something enlarged but he didn't explain what.  The pain doesn't end.  He told me to go back and see my family doctor so I have an appt. booked for Feb 1, surprisingly I thought she'd be booking into March.

I should be happy, should be focusing on something other than the pain I live with daily.  I would not wish this on even the persons in this world who have committed wrong against me in the past.  Even on those who would rather gossip behind my back about my health condition.  I should be thankful, today my son turns 15 years old.  The pain of labor and childbirth has nothing on this chronic neuropathy that I endure day after day.  I should be grateful my joints were healthy enough to deliver two healthy babies when my boys were born.  I should try not to focus on the fact that my tall, gangly boy is losing weight and is probably more hypermobile than I am.  For now I will pray that God will one day diagnoses us all so that if my boys have children of their own, they wont be faced with the journey doctors have led me on over the past two years.  If I could turn back time, I would not sign up for the new years resolution of swimming laps like I did in January 2011.  If I hadnt done so much damage by swimming where would i be today?  Would I still be working away at a job I didn't care for?  Maybe I finally would have got hired at the bank like I had wanted to for so long.  Or would I be back taking care of kids like I am today?  I love those kids so I will focus on the joy they have brought into my life.  Joy over pain, Joy over pain, Lord Jesus, I humby accept the gifts of healing that only you can provide.  Please if you were in this room today so I could touch your cloak and feel the pain rise up and leave my body!  Praying this can be so one day dear Lord.

Happy New Year everyone!  May you all be blessed in 2013, not only with good health but with peace and job in your lives!!

A lot can happen in a year.....a happy marriage can turn on a dime and all of a sudden, it's not so happy anymore. My last post in June of 2011 talks about being 'back to work'. On an up note, I am still working. My purpose in life is to care for some wonderful little girls. They have been my saving grace. A reason to haul ass out of bed each morning despite the aches, the popping sounds from joints in protest of my morning routine. The husband is still here, still a husband? Ashley Madison was introduced into our marriage in September 2011. On route from a family wedding, a happy occasion, my husband's blackberry told a tale of unfaithfulness, backed up by an academy award winning performance by my husband denying what he eventually confessed to so that I woudn't force our truck off the road, killing our entire family to end the pain that has taken root in my hypermobile heart. So if it wasn't enough for this now 38 year old self employed mother of two to be dealing with chronic physical neuropathy, constantly trying new medicatation to test its usefulness, there is emotional pain to boot. An all inclusive paid vacation to HELL. Let's see what's happened with my health this past year.....my teeth have shifted to the point where I no longer recognize the woman staring back at me in the mirror. Gone is the one asset I was grateful for in life. In the seventh grade, a popular girl once told me I had a great smile and that has stuck with me. Hell, I hadn't even had my braces put on when she told me that. It must have been my personality shining through my smile since my teeth were pretty crooked back in the fall of 1987! The braces went on the following spring and I wore them for about a year. The outcome was successful and for the next 20 years, my teeth/smile remained unchanged. Now my receding gums and loose teeth tell a different tale. One more reason to be self conscious. Great, like I didn't have enough reasons for that! My rounded scoliosis ridden back/shoulders were plenty enough thanks! My digestive system is in a constant state of confusion. My elasticized bowel and other major organs can not take the medications I keep trying. I haven't had a normal poop in over a year. The fact that I'm blogging about it is proof positive that my life completely sucks. I have gained half the weight back that I lost in 2010. My clothes do not fit but yet my core feels a bit stronger due to the Egoscue exercises I should be doing on a regular basis. The fact that I'm NOT doing them as I should is a reminder of the weight I've gained or perhaps the weight is a reminder of the lack of exercise in my life. I'll just go deliver another paper. I am however on a waiting list to see a geneticist and if my pain is not improved by the Lyrica I am currently taking, I will be referred for an MRI by the neurologist I finally say a few weeks ago. So far the Lyrica has produced a lot of nerve sensations, zaps and zings and the like. It is an expensive drug compared to others I've tried over the course of my pain ordeal. But I will keep taking it as prescribed until August when I see the neuro again. To be positive, while my health is not the greatest, things could be worse! My son who is now a ninth grader is doing quite well, working many a part time job, doing okay in high school, has stopped hanging out with kids who are bad influences! He is on a good path right now. Let's hope it stays that way!